After a lot of thought, consideration, and very enthusiastic conversations with my beta readers (Betas who’ve not only read the 3rd draft but have started on the final draft), I’m releasing Awakening as a serial via Patreon. Odds are high that I told you about this project last year, where I offered you early access to unedited content 4-days a week. At the time I was just starting on the final draft.

The first 11 chapters are open to the public and completely free, so do feel free to share these links with friends who you think might dig Awakening.

Chapter 1: Faded Offering

Chapter 2: The Crown Jewel of Clearwater

Chapter 3: When the Lamb Slaughters Itself

Chapter 4: The Razing of Clearwater

Chapter 5: A Tight-Knit Group

Chapter 6: Sacrifice to the Nation

Chapter 7: Prescribed Dissonance

Chapter 8: Seth's Sponsors Expectations

But first, I have a confession to make!

I’m a slow writer.

It was then I realized that not only was I slow, but I was George R.R. Martin slow.

For a while I thought this was a bad thing.

Everyone I know in the indie community is churning out a book every 30-days, and if I were being honest, I’m envious. I like the idea of being able to produce content at the drop of hat. Heaven knows, I have so many ideas I’d love to get down on paper some day!

The problem is when I speed write, it’s all flow of consciousness gibberish. Definitely not publishable. Hell, it’s barely legible, and I wrote it! (Do you squint at your own terrible handwriting too? Just me?) That statement says a little something about how well NaNoWriMo goes for me.  

I hate it.

It feels like nothing’s been thought out, nothing ties together, everything is cliché, and quite frankly the grammar is even worse than usual.  

But watching the prolific indie writers just drop a book without fail every 30-days makes me feel like a failure.

What a wonderful upbeat way to start an entry right?

I’m afraid that’s just part of the way I’m wired. I see a problem… not just one, but several (writing out the core problem really helps me see a lot of the connecting issues), AND THEN I try to find solutions (that’s fun for me). I apologize if the bulk of my emails start with ‘here’s the problem I’m having with X’ but if you hang in there, I’m very much the type of person to have some sort of theory to fix said problem.

For me, problem spotting + strategizing solutions is empowering! 
(Spoiler: Self-actualizing is the core theme in Awakening.)

It’s like I have some actual control.

I need that feeling in my life, especially when so many things are so not in my locus of control.

But first, I have to accept the way things are.

I have to accept some hard truths about myself, and that’s the fact that I’m a slow writer.

I have the BFA (Better Faster Academy) to thank for helping me accept this fact through constant reframing of how my Strength work together for my creative process.

Let’s take some of things I just said: For me rushing a book feel like…

…nothing’s been thought out.

I like to think about the plot, the intricacies of social, political, and personal motivations. I don’t want my work to read like it’s written by an idealist (I very much am) who has a vague understanding of… well any topic that the story deals with.

I like deep dives.

I like to think about things from a different perspective. I LOVE setting a book down because I need to think about the situation inside of the book.

Margaret Atwood’s A Handmaid’s Tale, was great for this, even if it took me 6-months to finish it and at the cost of a $60.00 library fine. That said, I hated the sequel as it reads like a Handmaid’s Tale fanfiction with superficial use of the foundational tropes. As I was reading the sequel, I got the impression that the publisher had hired a ghost writer to take advantage of the media hype caused by the tv show (if you loved the sequel: no shade. It just wasn’t for me). But I digress…

… nothing ties together. 

I’m huge on world building because it adds context to the decisions the characters make.

I’m very much a product of my environment and community. I am more than that though…

I am my collective experiences with my family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and perfect strangers.

I don’t go out on New Years because I had eggs thrown at me when some drunkard missed his target. Asshole.

I’ll opt to freeze in a t-shirt if I don’t have an acceptable ‘winter coat’ when in the UK, lest I get called a terrorist by some ignorant twat.

True story: I was wearing my not even heavy Canadian Winter coat (It was probably good for like -15C) which would have been swapped out for my Spring jacket… in, you know, Spring! Spring, as in not in February, when it’s still Winter in the Northern Hemisphere.

When some underaged-but-old-enough-to know-better screams out in the middle of the shop “What are you some kind of terrorist!” The shop is crowded with high school aged kids. It’s the lunch rush, and I had decided to treat my then fiancé and I to some mac and chips.

I’m floored. I mean I’m direct, but this is a whole other level. She’s clearly showing off to her friends. Nothing like advertising that you’re a bigot to prove you’re made of the ‘right stuff’. Which I’m all fine with – it helps me know who not to bother with.

But the weirdness of why I was targeted was what really got me. I was wearing the wrong coat. That’s it. It was so superficial. But it was enough to make me avoid that shop during lunch rush.

I didn’t say anything. I mean I couldn’t. I mean, why bother?

First of all, teenager.

Second, maybe she’ll outgrow her stupidity.

Third, not worth the effort.

Fourth, I don’t need or want the trouble. And I want to be able to still shop there.

But did I incorporate the little bigot into my story, damn right I did!

The other day a reader from the old 3rd draft of Awakening said: “In a way, your books make us better people.” I mean what do you say to that? I had hoped that I was writing authentic characters. That readers might see the worst of themselves in the easy-to-hate William, or see how idealism might blind them with the sympathetic Seth, or see how Astral’s tunnel vision might get the job done, but at what cost? I don’t want to just hold up the bad traits, but like I said, I see problems first and then like to think on solutions (these days I think about systems supporting habits of behavior).

We are not one identifying trait; we are many.

… everything is cliché. 

I don’t like it when stories shape clear good-vs-bad.

In this day and age, there’s a clear ideological good and bad. It makes me sad, because there’s more to people, and there ‘should’ be more to the story.

The guy who lost his job to outsourcing, and hates on Pakistanis from then on. Yeah, he should be mad. He has every right to be mad. But it’s misdirected rage. I think that’s an interesting story. Not: welp dude’s a racist, so he’s also a wife beater, and child molester. BORING!

It’s also easy to reach for these things, so easy that it’s done over and over again without thinking. Seen so often in media, that new writers have these default stories automatically incorporated into their creative lexicon (can we even call it creative?).

Also, is it me or have car chases in movies got boring?

… grammar is even worse than usual. 

There’s a reason I hire a couple of editors and proof readers. Just not in the early stages, because I’m a multiple drafter, which contributes to my slowness (See brought it back around).

Over the past year, I learned that I’m not a slow writer. I’m a methodical writer. I’m also a consistent writer. Consistent in not only writing daily, but also demanding consistency with voice, characters, and plot.

I’m writing the type of story that makes me think. I’m writing the type of story that I love to read, that I wish there was more of. I know that Awakening, let alone my writing style won’t appeal to the wide market, but it might be just enough to appeal to a reader like you, who I hope want more out of their stories.